memorial day wkend

haven't posted much recently... been busy, lots of ppl visiting, seeing friends, catching up on life. it's beautiful weather in calfornia, isn't it?

shopping

i spend too much money. i used to have this automatic savings mechanism on my savings acct, and a few months ago i had to turn it off. and now, not only do i not save, i usually need to dip into my savings bc my credit card bills are too high.

bad. i need to learn fiscal responsibility.

i also found a new boutique in PA today. it's cute. i got a pair of black 'skinny' jeans. i think they're a bit 80s and fashion forward (or backwards) even for me ;) - but the salesgirl convinced me. you need a certain body type to wear skinny jeans, and i figure hey, i'm not going to have it forever, so i better take advantage of it now, while i can. so now i just have to wear them.

oh, and my dressing style? i've fully reverted back to california attire. i dressed up lots more when i was living in london, weekends were always my time to wear trendy, cute, funky, ridiculous clothing. but now, that stuff just doesn't fly. instead i buy $50 cotton tees and wear those. with skinny jeans. strange how much your environment affects you.

"white flight"

This article is fascinating.

I don't think I'd send my children to a school with tons of first generation asians. Generally, I think it's true that they come from families that are excessively competitive and driven, and hence, a little bit unbalanced. But at the same time, those are probably the same things that drive you to succeed, when you're a naive youngling with no idea about life and what to do. Well, I doubt I'll ever live in a city with a >40%+ asian population, so I'm not worried. And per my own experience, I support private school education. The granola-y, liberal, horse-riding, potsmoking kind. Not the Harvard-Westlake kind.

But then again I also agree with the quote I just pulled. White ppl aren't afraid of competing against themselves. Just if someone else is squeezing them out.

"To many of Cupertino's Asians, some of the assumptions made by white parents -- that Asians are excessively competitive and single-minded -- play into stereotypes. Top schools in nearby, whiter Palo Alto, which also have very high test scores, also feature heavy course loads, long hours of homework and overly stressed students, says Denise Pope, director of Stressed Out Students, a Stanford University program that has worked with schools in both Palo Alto and Cupertino. But whites don't seem to be avoiding those institutions, or making the same negative generalizations, Asian families note, suggesting that it's not academic competition that makes white parents uncomfortable but academic competition with Asian-Americans."

sun

i got sunburnt at lunch today. my job is pretty cool. but then again, it's 8pm and i'm still here. i'm going home.

byebye.

bizarre morning incidents

as a child i listened to the classical music radio station everyday on the way to school. and so now, as i drive to work, i naturally go to the classical music station as a faint reminder of those days. and i think i just like listening to classical in the mornings. but you know what? everyday now for almost a month, whenever i go to 102.1, they're playing freaking commercials. commercials commercials and more commercials. it makes me so angry. anyone who knows me knows that i hate commercials. i hate excess noise, and commercials are excess noise. it's incredible how media companies make money.

i also realized that i'm very sensitive to little things. aka - i think i'm a control freak. when things don't go my way, i get very upset. today, as i was driving from a breakfast meeting to work i just randomly started crying. frustrated that i have no control over my life, that there's so much uncertainty, that even when i try so hard to make things the way i want it other things and other ppl just go and f*ck it all up. and then i got a grip.

ran into an ex- on the street today. i haven't seen him in almost five years. he's married now, and things btw us didn't end well, to say the least. so there i was, walking down the street in downtown PA - i see him and i do this doubletake. i'd always wondered why i haven't run into him yet since i've moved back, and there he was, walking with some other random guy, maybe an interview, maybe not. he looked the same, wearing the same bright blue shirt, khaki cargo pants and new fobby glasses. we made brief eye contact, i opened my mouth to say hello and raised my hand to wave at him when i realized that he was simply going to walk by as if he had NEVER SEEN ME BEFORE in his life. And that's exactly what he did. shocked as i was, it didn't really surprise me. now my coworker just thinks i have turrets. but i saw him. that's pretty cool. he's thinner now. shorter than i remembered. i'm glad i looked cute today. and i'm glad he's happy. and that's life.

sunshine!

summer has come. here in california, we've gone straight from winter to summer. this weekend it was 95 degrees. 95 degrees! and so i had a lovely time soaking up the sun and making the most of this bay area suburban life.

saturday: went to the gym. made breakfast burritos at home. went hiking by sanborne creek. 6 miles - aren't you proud of me? i'm proud of me. napped after our hike. decided we were too lazy to go to kfog party in sf. instead had porridge in cupertino and watched canton pop videos while eating fobby milk pudding and drinking weird chinese herbal teas until past midnight. watched good night, and good luck.

sunday: made brunch with the roomies. fire roasted tomato basil and garlic sausages. spinach, mushroom and cheese scramble. blueberry pancakes. watermelon, grapes, and strawberries. and fresh squeezed orange juice. yep, we eat a lot. went car shopping with the roommate. picked a car. went swimming with ian - see below. washed cars outside our house. had dinner at ian's house, where he cooked yummy chinese food. got happily drunk on 2004 vinoci sauvignon blanc and 2001 grgich chardonnay. both daddy's picks. yum.

didn't you want to know what i did this weekend? :)

googles @ the pool

just in case anyone cares, we saw a child poop in the pool yesterday. maybe not poop in the pool, but somewhere near the pool. all i know is, when a naked child runs over to his mother, bends over, has her wipe his poopy butt, put on his poop shorts again and gets back in the pool, i am afraid. very very afraid.

classic

from my lunch yesterday:

CEO: i get calls from 3-4 VCs a week
me: wow
CEO: yeah, we're being pretty picky about who we meet with
me: well, thanks for taking the meeting. i'm flattered
CEO: it always helps if you're a cute girl

stuff like that annoys you when you're my age. but i'm aware of the fact that when i hit my mid-30s, i'll just be pleased if someone says that at all. better work it while i can...

watch my ear get pierced!

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check out this incredibly boring video of when the three of us all got our ears pierced, like i wrote about earlier. it is actually a really boring video, but seriously, videoegg is really cool. great product - it's on my list of companies to watch. may ultimately be a very cool feature, but it's a pretty damn good player.

and so yes, as children - ppl used to go around flaunting their broken heart best friend necklaces, friendship bracelets, BFF songs. i'm a little bit late in my coming of age. but it sure is fun still. it makes you feel young at heart, taking pleasure in these little delights, remembering that there are things to still believe in, that maybe, just maybe, you can trust in a little bit of magic.

bella cella

so we finished our phones yesterday! for those of you who thought the first picture was ours - that was simply a demo picture i took when i was down in LA at the crystal kiosk trying to get the feel for what they should look like. so this one is my roomies. for mine, go check out her blog. they're pretty freaking awesome.

spring has sprung

i found this CD that bev had sent me when i moved back from london. they're all pictures from before i moved. my going away party, my first time to golden gate park (that's where the blossoms are from).

i uploaded them to flickr so i have more pics on my flickr now. i look younger then. life was simpler.

and now my flickr thing on the right should rotate btw more pictures!

google

From siliconbeat today:

"Google sent out a team of 15 people to Olive's Israeli offices (much of the company is over there) for over a week (staying at an expensive hotel), and interviewed each Olive person several times both in person and by phone interviews.

Google also sent a few Olive people abroad (England and US) for interviews because the Google people who needed to interview them hadn't gone to Israel."

Google sent 15 people to Israel to see Olive. Olive has 100 employees in total, so you'd imagine that their Israel offices can't have more than 75 ppl max. Google sent a team of ppl 20% the size of the team they were going to interview - and then still sent Olive employees abroad to interview with Googlers! Incredible. Well, at least they're consistent in company their company culture. As many of us can personally tell you, they'll take you through 15 rounds of interviews and then reject you. Looks like they do the same with their M&A strategy.

Oh, and ipaud and i put swarovski crystals on our cell phones yesterday! They look sooo much cooler than the pic of the ones i took in LA. Once we finish them, I'll post a picture. They are F-O-B-U-L-O-U-S. Okay, maybe just mine is fobulous, audder's is just cool.

First belly dancing class tonight!

forgetful

there was something i wanted to post last week, but never got around to it bc i was too busy. and now i forget. how horrible.

i got a double piercing on my left ear this wkend. my roomie's took a video of the entire experience, but i haven't seen it yet. needles and blood frighten me, and i was pretty nervous. but i really like it. and all three of us got one. so now we're blood brothers. teehee.

and note to self? don't ever work out my calves again. reasons: (1) i don't want big calves, (2) i'm sore for days after, (3) i could spend that time doing other muscles, (4) i don't want big calves.

that was a stupid entry. hopefully i'll remember what i wanted to write and i'll get back.

for ipaud and me...

Present!

i just got a package in the mail! i never get packages in the mail. my friend hannah from hk just sent me the following random stuff. she's the best. she also gave me a present and baked me a gingerbread cake for thanksgiving that said "HAPPY THANKSGIVING, SAM" when i was living in the UK, bc she thought that thanksgiving in the US was just like christmas.

that totally proves my point (see below) on the whole giving thing. that made my day. that's going on my list of things that makes me happy. surprises.

what should i do with a pillow of the US flag? i think i'll put it on my bed. i like pillows.

wkend hodgepodge

last week one of our CEOs told me that the world is my oyster. i understand the gist of what he's saying, but what exactly does that analogy refer to? i guess i don't really understand how oysters function, i just really like to eat them. i'll look it up on wikipedia today.

i was at home in LA this wkend. my papa has always told me that i should find someone 'tender and true' to be with for the rest of my life. he says he's not tender, but he's true. ha. funny enough, it seems near impossible to find both. i also think i'm going to make a list of what is truly important to me/what makes me happy this week. i've been having the dawning suspicion that what makes me happy now may very well not be what makes me happy forever. i think that's the case with everyone, but ultimately, it changes the way you look at the type of person you want to end up with forever. inevitably, i won't be exactly the same person in ten years as i am now - but will a person who says he loves me now still be able to love me as much then as he does now? that, to me is commitment. an ability to do your best to work through difficulties together and preserve this precious thing that you claim to believe in and are willing to work for.

the problem is that i suddenly find myself doubting my ability to judge anyone's true nature. i'm a good judge of character, that, i believe - but we're all self-deceived, and part of the quest of life is figuring out when you are, and learning from it. and so, actions speak louder than words, and maybe even louder than my own intuition. you can't just deny past evidence bc most of the time it speaks from the heart. everytime i've hurt someone, even if i did it unintentionally, i did it bc i simply didn't care enough for that person. and somehow, i think that theory is universal. and that's sad.

but i guess that's where proof of love comes in. we're human, and taking a leap of faith is difficult. you can only reach that pinnacle of belief when you have enough tangible evidence to make that jump. anyone who thinks they are doing it on their own is only being oblivious to the gifts of love all around them. the opposite is true as well. you can only believe for so long without ample proof of love (that threshold of proof, how much you need, is mutually determined within any relationship) - you fall below that threshold and everything goes to hell.

but one thing i do know, i really don't want to wake up when i'm 45, look at the man in my bed next to me and say, "my life sucks. and you've got everything in the world to do with it." i wonder what i'll look like when i'm 45.

that takes me to the subject of giving. i strongly believe that relationships thrive off this concept of giving of yourself. giving love, giving affection, giving time, whatever. that's what makes people feel loved. and wherever there is an imbalance there, a relationship is flawed. i think that if you are able to feel that you've received just as much as you've given - you won't wake up next to someone one day and blame him for any opportunity costs you may have paid along the way. and if you do, then either a) you're totally selfish and neurotic, or b) you were ignorant of your own needs and his ability to meet them. which takes me back to my fervent belief that every choice has it's consequences. and seriously, take responsibility and DEAL WITH IT. it will always be easier to blame circumstances. but i sure as hell am not going to end up with someone who does that by nature.

Carl Jung said that "Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering." I think that's bullsh*t. My neurosis is legitimate suffering. I have a real problem spelling the word legitimate, for some reason. legitamite. legitimite...legitimate. my english real good.